…for just about everything.
It seems like it’s all come up at once. And because of that there’s nothing to do but pray. Which is probably why God allowed it all to happen at the same time: because He knew that I couldn’t rely on myself. Smart guy. But gosh, my heart is torn because of it.
You all have heard the issues going on with my church right now. You’ve heard about how I don’t even like going anymore. You’ve heard about my desire to leave and the fact that there’s nowhere else to go. Even Craig has talked about possibly leaving. But there’s no other church in MC that we would like to even try out. And the last thing he wants to do is commute on Sundays, too. That’s struggle number one.
About 2 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression. Mental “illness” runs in my family. My mom has clinical depression and my aunt has bi-polar disorder. We all take medicine and usually never struggle with it. Well now my sister seems to be joining the club. Except her doctors are idiots and won’t help her. And I KNOW what it’s like to be where she is. And it scares me to death to know that she’s not getting adequate help. That’s struggle number two.
Struggle number three doesn’t hit so close to home for me. But it’s tearing Craig up and therefore, it becomes my struggle as well. Some friends of ours are going through a rough spot financially. Craig wants to help them. And by help, I mean BIG HELP. And it scares me to death. I can’t seem to hear God speak on this one and have no idea if this is His will, or just my dear hubby wanting to help someone out. (He’s the same guy who paid for half of my two week mission trip to Russia. This was before we were even dating and he had no ties to me besides friendship.) He has never hesitated to help anyone. Until he married me. In a way I feel like I’m holding him back because if we weren’t married there would be no question. He would help them out. So now the burden lies on me because all I have to do is say “no” and the conversation is over. I want to support Craig and trust him with this so badly. As his wife, that’s what I’m called to do. But it scares me. Very badly.
On top of all that I have exams this week. 😦
But one prayer was answered this past week. Kenya is fine. We took three different blood work samples and they all came back in the normal range. Whatever she had is gone, praise God. My mom told me today just how bad the vet clinic thought it was. They expected her to die. Blood counts as low as hers don’t go normal again. But God knew how much I needed her and got her better. Craig’s pretty happy about it too. He wouldn’t have wanted to live with me if she died. 🙂