Sometimes I Doubt…

…that God really hears my cries.

Now, if you plan on criticizing me for this or telling me that everything will be okay, I don’t want to hear it. You have no guarantee that everything WILL be okay, so don’t try feeding me that crap. This is me venting. I am not looking for advice, pity, or anything else you would care to say to me. I don’t even care if you read this. Sometimes it just helps to get it out. And maybe that’s all I need. Maybe I won’t even post this.

We’ve been trying to get pregnant for exactly 9 months to the day. And, obviously, it hasn’t been working. I spent all day yesterday in tears because, once again, no baby. 9 months. I never thought it would take this long. Almost everyone I know either has kids or is expecting. And every time I’m around any of them I get even more depressed. I can no longer count the nights I’ve cried myself to sleep because I want children so badly. I’ve been looking online at adoption agencies and apparently that isn’t an option for another 5 years. From what I can tell with my research, you have to be 25 to adopt. Which means it’s all up to my body, and it doesn’t want to cooperate.

I’ve cried and prayed for so long and it feels like my prayers are just bouncing off the ceiling and coming back to laugh in my face.

I’m tired of trusting. I’m tired of believing that it’s all going to work out. I’m tired of not being able to give my husband a baby.

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One thought on “Sometimes I Doubt…

  1. I also looked into adoption this cycle. In the US you have to be 25 and be married for at least 2 years. There is no way we could do the international adoption because you have to be 35 and married for a million years!

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