God has been up to some pretty big stuff lately. Obviously. We’re adopting. Internationally. There’s nothing little about that. Several of you have asked how we got to the point of making such a huge decision for our family. Here’s where I attempt to put into words some of what God has done to lead us to this point.
For the last couple of months I’ve been having feelings of being “unsettled”. Something just wasn’t right. I kept feeling that God had something bigger for me out there. That I’m missing something. I’m not complete yet. Until now, that feeling was a huge downer for me. And a bit confusing. I know God’s called me to be the best mother I can be which, for our family, means I stay home with our kids. How can there be something else bigger than that for me? How is my family not my first priority? Talk about conflicting emotions. I even saw my family doctor to rule out thyroid diseases and other things that can physiologically cause the “tiredness” and unrest. Everything checked out fine, by the way.
A few weeks ago I was surfing facebook and found myself begging to God. “God, give me something to fight for. Give me a cause – something to invest in. Something I can do to bring You glory.”
No sooner did I pray that prayer, did I see a link to an article pop up on Facebook via a high school friend. I didn’t read it right away, but sat down to read it while the kids napped. I’ll warn you now, this article is not for the faint of heart. Make sure you’re in the position where you can really sit down and read it if you choose to. This is the article: http://www.nogreaterjoymom.com/2012/02/if-not-usthen-who.html. To sum it up, there are children around the world who are considered “less than perfect”. These sweet babies are placed in orphanages. If they haven’t been adopted by the time they are 4 or 5 years old, they are almost always placed in institutions and live out the rest of their lives in a crib. With no one to love them. No family to give hugs and kisses. No siblings to chase around the house. No quality of life at all. I read through that post and my heart shattered. To read about such inhumanity broke my heart. And yet there was joy there too. Because the entire time I read that article I could hear God whispering (it was so clear it could have been audible) “This blog post was for you. This is what I want for you. This is your cause.”
Talk about an eye opener! He told me just enough to catch my attention and give me a direction to follow, but not enough to answer any of my unending questions.
Questions such as: Are we supposed to adopt? Am I supposed to go on a mission trip to one of these orphanages? Are we supposed to help support families who are adopting these kids? WHERE ARE YOU LEADING ME?!?!
That night I mentioned the article to Craig and told him how confused it left me. He didn’t say much, but didn’t write it off either. A few days later he ran into a man who was raising money to adopt a child internationally. Coincidence? Probably not. But it started up a conversation between the two of us in which I found out that Craig was indeed thinking about this. At least to some extent. He even mentioned it to his mom. Hearing that he didn’t think I was crazy gave me some confidence. I got online and started following some blogs of families who have adopted. The more I read, the more I found myself sharing in their sorrows and their joy. And the more open I become to the idea that maybe this is what God was calling us to.
Exactly a week after reading that blog post, we made the “official” decision to pursue international adoption. Looking back on that experience, even as near to us as it still is, I can see God’s hand at work leading us here. And I must admit, I could feel God calling us to adopt even as I read that blog. But I was scared and overwhelmed by the permanency of adoption and I let my fear make me think I didn’t know what God wanted. However, we can’t run from God for long and I soon realized the blessing this adoption is going to be for our family and for the child we adopt. And the avenue it’s going to give us to make a difference – even if just a little one.